Learn it, Live it, Love it

thats when i miss you, you are my home

Sat, 07 Apr 2007 14:42:55 GMT

Alexi Murdoch, Orange Sky

And I had a dream
I stood beneath an orange sky
With my sister standing by
With my sister standing by
I said Sister, here is what I know now
Here is what I know now
Goes like this..
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, in your love, in your love

But sister you know I’m so weary
And you know sister
My hearts been broken
Sometimes, sometimes
My mind is too strong to carry on
Too strong to carry on

When I am alone
When I’ve thrown off the weight of this crazy stone
When I've lost all care for the things I own
That's when I miss you, that's when I miss you, that's when I miss you

Your subtlties, they strangle me..the Blasé me.

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 12:57:31 GMT

I have become a tired person. I have little energy left. Especially this week...

Went to hospital and got a IV drip....
Had to work 2 double shifts on top of my usual workload...
Am swamped with work from uni.
Farewell drinks for Dav, this weekend
Shopping with Heng this weekend
Dave this weekend, cause he WANTS to see me...

all the while looking perfectly happy.

Smile Sigh Smile.

By myside, you'll never be.

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 14:10:42 GMT

i am surrounded by the strange belief that I am single handedly ruining my life.

Dave bought me a $400 pair of jeans today and all I can do is complain that he didn't give me any cash to spend from day to day. My ingratitude is surprising to most...

but to be honest, I feel nothing.

Clothes are the last thing I need.

I am waiting to see what happens next weekend when 20yr old BabyBoy comes to sydney.

There are things I want to say.
I want to tell him whats changed.

I want to tell him that I see him so much differently.
I want to tell him that if I never see him again, it would hurt, but not as much as before.

English Lads

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 13:25:07 GMT

is there anything hotter than an english boy singing?

Adultery is a sin commited in the heart

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 11:00:07 GMT

I can't be as sorry as you think I should
But I still love you more than anyone else could

All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight
Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right
This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long
Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong

The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love......

the trashbag returns....

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 03:53:21 GMT

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK NO MORE
IF PEOPLE THINK I AM A WHORE
I JUST WANNA DANCE
OH I JUST WANNA DANCE
THINGS ARE GOING BAD FOR ME
I AM FEELING SAD FOR ME
SO I JUST WANNA DANCE
OH I JUST WANNA DANCE
IM TIRED OF LAUGHING
AND IM TIRED OF CRYING
IM TIRED OF FAILING
AND IM TIRED OF ALL THIS TRYING
I WANNA DO SOME LIVING
CUZ I'VE DONE ENOUGH DYING
I JUST WANNA DANCE
I JUST WANNA FUCKING DANCE!

from Jerry Springer - The Opera

coming out of my cage

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 23:26:24 GMT

it started out with a kiss....how did it end up like this?it was only a kiss

have a slight crush on a boy who's born in 1986.
i should be arrested.

My Chemical Romance

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 08:59:52 GMT

Happy Mardi Gras to me!

MG was totally way cool.
Have turned into raging pedophile and crack whore.
Am still not over the fact that there are currently 200 million gay men in sydney.
Had coffee with Jin on oxford.
Have decided to come home, get changed and venture out to explore the 199 million gay men that have gathered at the Columbian Hotel.
Am working at 6am tomorrow but am not concerned about it.
As correctly assumed, have also turned into a raging nympho.

fatigue; i need to wake up

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 12:08:31 GMT

i am tired. so tired. its a tiredness that can't be cured by a day at the spa or a good night's sleep. tired of everything. there are only two things that I am looking forward to and that's work and mardi gras. i hope i have fun. but...i've learnt not to expect too much.

work is fun. made some really cool friends and have come out of my shell a little...actually a lot in a big way. spent today hanging out in the pastry kitchen with Vin, going around asking people how many times they have sex with their partners. apparently i am WAY down on the list. i work with hornbags....

but anyway,

i get home. think about things. and get tired.

i need to move. i need to wake up.

i need to stop hating the people closest to me. picking fights with him for no reason.

its best to accept your fate and if i learn to do that then maybe i will get some rest.

by my side?

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 11:18:20 GMT

by myside
you'll never be.

by myside....
you'll never be.

cause i'm fake at the seams
lost in my dreams
and i want you to know

that i can let you go.

cos you're never coming home again.
and you're never coming home again

by myside
you'll never be

by myside
you'll never be

i wanted to tell you what changed
i wanted to tell you that things will be different this time

i see you
you see me

different

i see you
you see me
different.

you tell me that you love me
but you never want to see me again.

you tell me that you love me
but you never want to see me again.

if everyone cared.

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 13:00:03 GMT

i urge everyone to watch this. there are things out there that are so much bigger than anyone of us. bigger than the thought of getting laid this weekend, whose husband is richer or what irrational thing we're going to buy this weekend. its bigger than me, its bigger than you. there are things going on in this world that are so much more important than the problems you and I have. it makes me feel so small...

never doubt that a small group of people can change the world. indeed, its the only thing that ever has.

to the friends and lover(s) around me that have spiralled...

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 12:09:18 GMT

Hair is grey and the fires are burning
So many dreams on the shelf
You say I wanted you to be proud
I always wanted that myself

When you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gona change so fast
All the white horses have gone ahead
I tell you that Ill always want you near
You say that things change my dear

Never change

All the white horses

the best show in the world

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 04:51:19 GMT

and this is why. (Lucy, you have to watch this).

on this year's v-day card to dave.....

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 07:57:04 GMT

You say the word
You know I will find you

Or if you need some time
I don't mind

I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite

I'm not like the boys that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This boy only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly then boy

adapted from ToriAmos.

A Sorta Fairytale

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 11:43:51 GMT

Dylan Ford. He's lying in my bed right now, reading the (sydney) magazine. We skipped the Beef Strog that I cooked and went straight for desert, if you catch my dirft.

Think I might like this one.

Think I might like this one better than the one I have.

Dylan Ford.
We could taste heaven perfectly.

heart

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 12:23:42 GMT

What would he have become? What would he have done to change his piece of the world? What if he had not gotten up this morning? What if he were not alive and what if he did not know how to live.

There are several things that a person needs to feel alive. Sex, Adrenaline, Family, Adventure, Ambition, Inspiration, Intelligence...

But there is only one thing we actually need to BE alive. We need a beating heart.
And there is only one thing we actually need to feel like we've lived. We need to be loved. We need to feel love.

It is the single most comprehensive yet un-understood human emotion and its complexity lies in its intrinsic ability to create overwhelming euphoria and conversely to torment beyond any level of physical pain experienced or imagined. It turns the sanest of people to lunatics forcing a sense of desperation coupled with panic. Its an emotion we would survive best without but something somewhere out there decided to throw it in just for kicks when we were created.

The torture comes from the thought of losing the euphoria love brings. When our heart is threated we respond in one of 2 ways; we either run, or we attack. Its instinct, we cannot control it. Fight...or flight, either way it ends up in unimagine torture.

The pain it brings remains in dangerous property and never leaves; it never goes away. Even though it may subside and may eventually be numbed, the memory of it never fades. The phantom torture will always be there; to caution us...to run, or to attack and at some eventual point, we're going to do both and then the true pain will come.

Its like ten thousand spoons, when all you need is a knife

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 15:33:20 GMT

my husband left an ipod in my letterbox today as a surprise gift. probably as a make up gift for the fight we had when we were looking for the Philip Starck restaurant in darlinghurst and he REFUSED to ask for directions to Burton Street, whilst calling me a "spoilt bitch".

whatever,

so now i can go to the gym with my new ipod, get semi beach ready and have a summer romance on the gold coast, which he is paying for.

i am evil i know. but so what.

rootless tree

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 22:41:50 GMT

Rootless Tree
by Damien Rice

What I want from you is empty your head.
But they say be true, don't stain your bed.
And we do what we need to be free.
And it leans on me like a rootless tree.

What I want from us is learn to let go.
But we fake, we fuss, and fracture the times.
We go blind when we needed to see.
And this leans on me, like a rootless...

FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU
and all we've been through.
I said leave it, leave it, leave it,
it's nothing to you.
And if you hate me, hate me, hate me, hate me so good
that you just let me out
let me out, let me out?
Its hell when you're around.
Let me out, let me out, let me out.
Hell when you're around.
Let me out, let me out, let me out.

http://download.yousendit.com/B5D8D0102B67A762

oh and...

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 22:26:17 GMT

My Ipod has officially died. Its displaying a sad face icon.

DAVE!!!!

I cant live without music...i'll just end up talking to myself on the bus. I dont want to get another iPod though. I want something different. Deyi, any suggestions?

On a Wednesday + Annoying Optimism

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 22:23:47 GMT

Jake, my book-club "buddy" sent me this

"Whatever it is you can do or dream you can be. Begin it now.."

the prom dress in the bathroom song

Tue, 09 Jan 2007 21:34:42 GMT

You call me your boy but I'm trying to be the man
One more day and it's all slipping with the sand
You touch my lips and grab the back of my hand
The back of my hand

Guess we both know we're in over our heads
We got nowhere to go and no home that's left
The water is rising on a river turning red
It all might be ok or we might be dead
If everything we've got is slipping away
I meant what I said when I said until my dying day
I'm holding on to you, holding on to me
Myabe it's all gone black but you're all I see
You're all I see

2007

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 12:10:12 GMT

have everything i could possibly want but am still not happy. am beginning to think that i actually don't want him at all.

Wanting more, this time comes...

Thu, 23 Nov 2006 06:21:11 GMT

To the boy who would do anything, the man who would buy anything and the lover who would commit nothing.

Isn't it strange, the way things can change
Life that you lead, turned on its head
suddenly someone, means more than you felt for
house in its yard, turns into home.
Sorry but I meant to say, many things along the way, this ones for you.

Have I told you I ache, have I told you I ache,
Have I told you I ache, for you...

Have I told you I ache, have I told you I ache,
have I told you I ache, for you...

The time that it took, writing words for my book, seems to have broken off
the gate that I shot,
last time I got hurt
seems to have opened itself
oh what its spinnin now,
its tryna catch me up
tell me to appriciate, here and now
I'm sorry but I meant to say
many things along the way
this ones for you.

Have I told you i ache, Have i told you i ache, have i told you i ache, for you...

Have I told you i ache, Have i told you i ache, have i told you i ache, for you...

Your Eternal Whore, fiq

18nov2006

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 00:42:46 GMT

Deyi was actually in attendance but he was the one taking the photos and all these drunk biatches (myself incl) forgot to point the camera towards him.

Mother's Goodbye - Posthumus.

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 16:57:42 GMT

Long ago, giants walked the earth. And when they died, their bodies shrunk, but their spirits grew.
All people are giants, they can see beyond the hills, past the sky and into forever.
You must never forget to imagine.
Just over there, beyond a road, beyond a tree, beyond the horizon, I am waiting for you.......

-Kyra Sedgewick, 'Loverboy'.