And I had a dream I stood beneath an orange sky With my sister standing by With my sister standing by I said Sister, here is what I know now Here is what I know now Goes like this.. In your love, my salvation lies In your love, my salvation lies In your love, my salvation lies In your love, in your love, in your love
But sister you know I’m so weary And you know sister My hearts been broken Sometimes, sometimes My mind is too strong to carry on Too strong to carry on
When I am alone When I’ve thrown off the weight of this crazy stone When I've lost all care for the things I own That's when I miss you, that's when I miss you, that's when I miss you
I have become a tired person. I have little energy left. Especially this week...
Went to hospital and got a IV drip.... Had to work 2 double shifts on top of my usual workload... Am swamped with work from uni. Farewell drinks for Dav, this weekend Shopping with Heng this weekend Dave this weekend, cause he WANTS to see me...
i am surrounded by the strange belief that I am single handedly ruining my life.
Dave bought me a $400 pair of jeans today and all I can do is complain that he didn't give me any cash to spend from day to day. My ingratitude is surprising to most...
but to be honest, I feel nothing.
Clothes are the last thing I need.
I am waiting to see what happens next weekend when 20yr old BabyBoy comes to sydney.
There are things I want to say. I want to tell him whats changed.
I want to tell him that I see him so much differently. I want to tell him that if I never see him again, it would hurt, but not as much as before.
I can't be as sorry as you think I should But I still love you more than anyone else could
All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong
The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love......
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK NO MORE IF PEOPLE THINK I AM A WHORE I JUST WANNA DANCE OH I JUST WANNA DANCE THINGS ARE GOING BAD FOR ME I AM FEELING SAD FOR ME SO I JUST WANNA DANCE OH I JUST WANNA DANCE IM TIRED OF LAUGHING AND IM TIRED OF CRYING IM TIRED OF FAILING AND IM TIRED OF ALL THIS TRYING I WANNA DO SOME LIVING CUZ I'VE DONE ENOUGH DYING I JUST WANNA DANCE I JUST WANNA FUCKING DANCE!
MG was totally way cool. Have turned into raging pedophile and crack whore. Am still not over the fact that there are currently 200 million gay men in sydney. Had coffee with Jin on oxford. Have decided to come home, get changed and venture out to explore the 199 million gay men that have gathered at the Columbian Hotel. Am working at 6am tomorrow but am not concerned about it. As correctly assumed, have also turned into a raging nympho.
i am tired. so tired. its a tiredness that can't be cured by a day at the spa or a good night's sleep. tired of everything. there are only two things that I am looking forward to and that's work and mardi gras. i hope i have fun. but...i've learnt not to expect too much.
work is fun. made some really cool friends and have come out of my shell a little...actually a lot in a big way. spent today hanging out in the pastry kitchen with Vin, going around asking people how many times they have sex with their partners. apparently i am WAY down on the list. i work with hornbags....
but anyway,
i get home. think about things. and get tired.
i need to move. i need to wake up.
i need to stop hating the people closest to me. picking fights with him for no reason.
its best to accept your fate and if i learn to do that then maybe i will get some rest.
i urge everyone to watch this. there are things out there that are so much bigger than anyone of us. bigger than the thought of getting laid this weekend, whose husband is richer or what irrational thing we're going to buy this weekend. its bigger than me, its bigger than you. there are things going on in this world that are so much more important than the problems you and I have. it makes me feel so small...
never doubt that a small group of people can change the world. indeed, its the only thing that ever has.
Hair is grey and the fires are burning So many dreams on the shelf You say I wanted you to be proud I always wanted that myself
When you gonna make up your mind When you gonna love you as much as I do When you gonna make up your mind Cause things are gona change so fast All the white horses have gone ahead I tell you that Ill always want you near You say that things change my dear
I'm not like the boys that you've known But I believe I'm worth coming home to Kiss away night This boy only sleeps with butterflies With butterflies So go on and fly then boy
Dylan Ford. He's lying in my bed right now, reading the (sydney) magazine. We skipped the Beef Strog that I cooked and went straight for desert, if you catch my dirft.
Think I might like this one.
Think I might like this one better than the one I have.
What would he have become? What would he have done to change his piece of the world? What if he had not gotten up this morning? What if he were not alive and what if he did not know how to live.
There are several things that a person needs to feel alive. Sex, Adrenaline, Family, Adventure, Ambition, Inspiration, Intelligence...
But there is only one thing we actually need to BE alive. We need a beating heart. And there is only one thing we actually need to feel like we've lived. We need to be loved. We need to feel love.
It is the single most comprehensive yet un-understood human emotion and its complexity lies in its intrinsic ability to create overwhelming euphoria and conversely to torment beyond any level of physical pain experienced or imagined. It turns the sanest of people to lunatics forcing a sense of desperation coupled with panic. Its an emotion we would survive best without but something somewhere out there decided to throw it in just for kicks when we were created.
The torture comes from the thought of losing the euphoria love brings. When our heart is threated we respond in one of 2 ways; we either run, or we attack. Its instinct, we cannot control it. Fight...or flight, either way it ends up in unimagine torture.
The pain it brings remains in dangerous property and never leaves; it never goes away. Even though it may subside and may eventually be numbed, the memory of it never fades. The phantom torture will always be there; to caution us...to run, or to attack and at some eventual point, we're going to do both and then the true pain will come.
my husband left an ipod in my letterbox today as a surprise gift. probably as a make up gift for the fight we had when we were looking for the Philip Starck restaurant in darlinghurst and he REFUSED to ask for directions to Burton Street, whilst calling me a "spoilt bitch".
whatever,
so now i can go to the gym with my new ipod, get semi beach ready and have a summer romance on the gold coast, which he is paying for.
What I want from you is empty your head. But they say be true, don't stain your bed. And we do what we need to be free. And it leans on me like a rootless tree.
What I want from us is learn to let go. But we fake, we fuss, and fracture the times. We go blind when we needed to see. And this leans on me, like a rootless...
FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU and all we've been through. I said leave it, leave it, leave it, it's nothing to you. And if you hate me, hate me, hate me, hate me so good that you just let me out let me out, let me out? Its hell when you're around. Let me out, let me out, let me out. Hell when you're around. Let me out, let me out, let me out.
My Ipod has officially died. Its displaying a sad face icon.
DAVE!!!!
I cant live without music...i'll just end up talking to myself on the bus. I dont want to get another iPod though. I want something different. Deyi, any suggestions?
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